This morning I sat in a large church watching a slide show of a new friend's life roll by on three screens. I saw her when she was a baby in her mother's arms. I saw her at seven, standing next to a seven as big as she was. I saw her at the age where we exchange small teeth for big ones.
I saw how she loved her family. I saw how she loved her friends. I saw her grow into a beautiful vibrant fun-loving sixteen year old girl.

I saw all the flowers people cared enough to send. I saw hearts broken and tears flow. When I closed my eyes I saw her reluctant smile as I put her hand in mine and taught her to dance the foxtrot...and I heard her laugh with her friends at my bad joke...I saw her graduate...get married...have the children she dreamed of having...and then I opened my eyes and saw her casket. And it made me sad. I kept thinking of the words I quoted by Wendy cope and I wrote down these lines on the back of an offering envelope and thought I would post them

"...only giving into love when someone's dead or gone..."

Wendy Cope

At the Funeral of Bailey Smith

The joy of togetherness
Blunted.
by common grief.

So many people in this room, but
Grief is still lonely
Lifted eyes meet for consoling seconds
As the room fills up.

We all grieve alone, but it's nice to be together

A hug, an awkward smile…or frown, a pat on the back, a dumb look
All trying to break through alone
Some penetrate for a moment, and grief is shared.
And in that moment…she is there
Because all we really just want to do is
hug her,
smile at her,
cry with her,
dance with her.
In some way we are, but only for a moment
And then realize she is not there.

The question: “what are you going to be when you grow up?”
Forever unanswered.
And all of the questions beginning with, “what if…”
must also remain forever unanswered.

denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance…hope.

It was good to see so many former students and I know God is at work in so many, drawing them to Christ, and comforting with His love. If you are grieving my prayers and my heart are with you and if you are not, then be thankful.

And hug those close to you, smile at them more often, cry with them if they need you to, dance with them...our lives are fragile, as the grass in the field.

God loves you all and so do I. Lord be with you all.

Thank God for friends

We are on our way to dinner over at some friends' house and thinking how glad I am God has brought them into our lives. God has brought so many amazing people into our lives and we are so very thankful.

If you are reading this then God has connected you somehow to my life and I know its not by accident, but God has great things he wants to do in our lives.

It made me want to write a quick note to say thank you for being a part of my life and I am so glad you're here

Grace and peace out

Reflecting

Grace and peace everybody. What a great day that was at church today! It was so good to see everybody and also to see God at work in our community at The Vine.

Brad and I built a fire to night and thought we'd try a video blog. Prayerfully consider who you can help connect to God this week.

Love you all,

Pastor Todd

It

"Where there is no vision, the people perish"

"If people can't see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves"

Proverbs 29:18 KJV/MSG

One of the books I have been reading is "It" with the subtitle "How churches and leaders can get it and keep it" by Craig Groeshel. The "it" refers to many things but essentially he is speaking of the move of God in the midst of a people. He says something like, "you may not know how to describe it, but when you walk into a church, you can certainly feel it."

I came to Jesus in a church that was overflowing with "it" called Destiny Church. To paraphrase Yoda, The Spirit was strong in that place. Even for someone seemingly so far from God and unfamiliar with church, I knew God was in that place. I was not a believer by any means, but these people's joy and vibrance created in me a hunger I'd never felt before.

The energy and passion was infectious and "it" drew me to Jesus and helped me take the first steps into the adventure of a lifetime.

The rest of the story:

I went to that church again about three years later and it was nothing I could describe at the time, but it was not there anymore. The feeling of vibrance, energy, and passion was...stale. There were still a few hundred people, but they seemed...tired. It was like a bunch of people so excited about God working in their midst, were unsure about the future, and certainly not excited about it.

Okay, I have to admit the book is messing with me, stepping on my toes a bit. But it is in that good way like when you here a message and know you need to repent...it is like there is an initial,"ouch", but the healing, revelation, grace, etc...is too great to be compared to the uncomfortable feeling of "I need to change", or "I need to do this or that."

Where God is really working in me is in the area of vision and clarity of mission as a community. It has me asking again the big questions like, "Why do we exist as a community?" and also important is, "How would those in the community answer that question?" "Would it be the same, or would many have different answers?"

Back the the it question, I believe that churches and communities with it find themselves on the same page when it comes to mission, purpose, and vision...

I'm in the classroom, so I'll save more thoughts for later, but please ring in on the subject if you have a moment.

Abigail's "Snowman of Love"

Elise has fallen in love with snowmen this season. It sounds more like "boo man" when she says it, but she leaves no doubt what it is she is talking about. This has led to a snowman revolution in our house. So the other night about an hour before bedtime we decided to make a movie. We asked Abigail what it should be and she very quickly replied, "The Snowman of Love." It is an epic about one snowman's lonliness at the holiday's and his search for love.

Closet Poet

Wow. I am blogging. Anybody who wants can read this...in fact you are reading this...right now. I saw a great quote on blogging, "Never before had so many had so much to say to so few."

I feel so free, so alive...I can share anything...I think I will.

Are you ready for my first big confession? Here it is.
I am a closet poet. I love poetry.

I love the twists, the way it is able to communicate feeling and emotion in its rawest form and capture the essence of moments both mundane and epic.
Now that I have a blog...I can put it out there, just like the main character in this little poem called "A Naked Tree"

A Naked Tree

Oh no! Where have all my leaves gone?
Have you seen my leaves?
They were here when I went to bed…I thought.
Does anyone know what I did last night?
C’mon, this isn’t funny anymore.

Okay, I know what you're thinking, "go back in the closet and try again."

But if it made you snicker, or even if it turned the corners of your mouth up for a brief moment, it was a success. Only one more, I promise.

This I wrote way too late one night and had planned on writing, but just didn't want to.

"Good Excuse Not to Write a Poem Tonight"

Frankly I’m just to tired,
And there are so many inane things to do before
My head falls onto the pillow
another
day over.

I will roll over two or three times enjoying
The thought of nothing to do but sleep
And letting wisps of thought go in and out wondering
Will I remember this in the morning?

Maybe tomorrow I will write a poem
And I will go there often to remember
Remember what it felt like to be me
Last night, last month, last year

And when I am old and gray
I will read and smile
At the foolish young man
So full of dreams

I wonder…what my dreams will be then?

Shall we blog?

My first blog. I guess we could call it an experiment, but then again the majority of my life has been an experiment…trying new things, some work some don't…but somehow I always learn something whether they work or not . I wonder if this will be like so many things in life that start out awkward and forced but get more comfortable with time…
Awkward silence…

I have been a student of communication from a young age and was always fascinated at the ways ideas, thoughts, dreams, and stories are passed from one to another.

This morning I read the words of English poet Wendy Cope. She communicates from across an ocean of water, time, and circumstance a picture of her family, where love is only seen clearly in tragedy.
"…only giving in to love
When someone's dead or gone."
Her simple words cross the ocean between our hearts and I see so many other families where love is strong, but unspoken and therefore unfelt all to often.

After thousands of years the lyricist of God, David, stills has a voice to communicate with me. He told me today not to worry…He said to me that I should trust in the Lord and do good. He sang to me about a life where I delight myself in God and find the desires of my heart placed in my open hands of worship.

A pastor in North Carolina communicated with me a few weeks ago in his blog. He spoke of the challenges of leadership, inadequacy, and hearing the voice of God amidst the noise. He spoke of the message he preached Sunday and what it meant for the community.

It led me to many other blogs and I spent a few hours just reading about these pastor's lives and the communities they lead. I found encouragement in their triumphs and tears in their brokenness. I laughed and thought and dreamed with them and then I prayed for them and thanked God for showing me a piece His work outside The Vine. I've spoke in church about how we connect through story and I found myself connected to these guys just by hearing parts of their story.

I guess that is why I am blogging…to connect…to tell more of my story…to share more of my life in hopes that it would bring encouragement or joy to someone. Maybe even God would speak to somebody through my ramblings. Maybe God will teach me as I ramble. Maybe more.